This has been a big year for the Catholic church. New pope. A declaration that says gays are allowed to be priests now (as opposed to the 100% fiercely butch hardcore heterosexuals that have been joining the priesthood for the past 2000 years.) And now THIS:
A relic hunter has recently uncovered the skeletons of saints in the catacombs of Rome dating back to the 16th century and I have only one thing to say about them:
THEY BETTA WERK!
Oh hey, St. Valerius gurl. I love the beard, but let’s face it, this isn’t the first time you’ve had a pearl mustache.
You know what? You’re right, St. Friedrich. I think bejeweled goatees are so 2014. Get it, bitch.
A Deep V ruby and sapphire encrusted kaftan? St. Albertus, are you in Rome or poolside at The Ace Hotel in Palm Springs?! I mean, you are LIVING IT right now. Brava.
Now if we could just uncover that crypt that says women can be priests and EVERYTHING ELSE THEY THINK IS WRONG, Catholicism might just turn out to be the new “it” members-only club.