Here’s the deal.  ( This is  JULIE writing)

This White, bigot, duck murderer, woman neglecter, and all around shitty human being Phil Fuck Face Duck Dynasty whatever his name is – got on the airwaves and said he hates faggots and thinks were gonna burn in hell along with whores and more faggots. So – basically he uses the bible to hate on gays and women and justifies his deplorable behavior with the word of god.  This guy and his family are THE MOST WATCHED REALITY SHOW on television. They are BELOVED. They have merchandise at Walmart and Target and gas stations around the country.  Unless you’re a communist, pinko, faggot duck you love these assholes.   Fine.

But, You know what?  You’re allowed to love them, cause we live in ‘Merica.  (Fist in the air) USA USA USA! Chant Chant. Rape Rape.  But EVERYONE is going crazy! Get these haters off the air, how dare? How offensive!  Completely inappropriate! This will not be tolerated! Clutch my politically correct pearls!   And the debate rages – Does hate speech constitute free speech? Should television enable hateful, grotesque, ignorance?  What does it all mean? WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?

The truth is – this isn’t a free speech issue, it’s a freedom of being able to feel hate and feel disgust and use religion, and be an idiot.  He has and is entitled to all of those freedoms.  It may hurt me to see and read and hear those things, but at the end of the day I hate him as much as he hates me and we are both allowed to have our feelings without the other getting the other fired from their stupid show.  Also – ‘Merica – and A & E you need to take responsibility for who you put on a pedestal.  Phil “Asshole, douche thrower of turtles aggressively into the lake” is America’s sweetheart with all his hate and all his bigotry, and all his dirty, disgusting beard.   I mean, look at everything I just said.  I used hateful, hateful, horrible speech and I am grateful for every word I am free to feel and free to say.  (And trust. I mean it)

The crime isn’t this asshole’s ignorance, it’s the powers that be and the audience that held him and all of his shitty kin in high esteem and then turned their backs and became hypocrites.

I find it more abhorrent that A and E pretended to suspend them, and wouldn’t support what they fully knew and what we all fully know to be the truth than every single thing that fills his heart and his empty cock of a head.

This also goes for Evander Holyfield who apparently in a private conversation thinks being gay is a choice and is super gross. He is totally repulsed by gays.   He was then chastised by some British, tool producer, saying they couldn’t have him continue on the show if he spewed such offensive opinions.

I’m sorry to tell you, but the guy has the right to his opinions in the same manner as I do. I think straight men are utterly repulsive and have literally ruined the earth.  IS that any better? Any worse?  Perhaps I should look at that and ask myself to ponder what my personal issues are before saying such ignorant and black and white statements. Maybe he should too, but does that make him sone kind of criminal? Some sort of Television Pariah?

And for the record – watching this video of this guy – this host – who begins discussing Evander Holyfield at 7 mins. made me feel so sad, and so hurt  and so bummed out, but I have to and we have to agree that he also has the right to feel the way he does and be able to express it.  He couches his bigotry in the feeling that racism is acceptable but hating gays isn’t – he feels slighted. He cant possibly understand why people can be racist and get away with it, but we’re allowing people to stop hating on Gays and calling hateful speech a Hate Crime” when the KKK can put on parades and marches.  That in and of itself is twisted and sad.


Gays don’t have a corner on hate crimes.   But if you want to compare them – I guarantee the KKK would never get a network television show – they keep racism much more under cover than that.  But again, this isn’t a contest on who gets shit on, just turn the TV on and watch 3 shows, you’ll get all your racism, sexism, and homophobia you need for the day. Maybe if we all agreed – it’s all shitty – Shitty for one, Shitty for all, we’d all get along better.

Again, Evander Holyfield, a beloved, American personality, and everyone is freaking out that he said all that? Why are you pretending to be shocked? And offended?  I wouldve been shocked had he said the opposite.  He has the right to have a conversation and have a thought and a feeling that may be repulsive to you. AND lets be honest British tool producer – you probably feel the same and just don’t have the fucking balls to say it outloud while youre at work.  They were having a conversation and the woman he was speaking with disagreed with him, and why shouldn’t we hear that?  Its life, and its real and it probably was one of the only actual, authentic, real things to happen to reality TV in years

We don’t all need to like everything that we all feel and say. At the end of the day we’re allowed to hate eachother and we’re allowed to disagree – as long as obviously no one gets hurt or fired or loses out on their civil, and human rights.  But a thought? An opinion?  People having a conversation?   We just have to deal with it and take responsibility for our own feelings and stand true in who we are and what we believe and what we say – Especially when many people have a problem with it.    I WANT to watch debate and people disagree – and I want to feel and see differences – even if those differences hurt me.

Ultimately, I want to say, I hope a Duck rapes you and rips your head off Phil Dynasty and go bang your head against wall, Evander Holyfield you dumb, ignorant fuck bag – But you shouldn’t be fired, and you should be allowed to think whatever dumb ass shit you want.  ( even if you’re wrong J    and I am clearly right. )  ‘MERICA!



PS.  My many grammar mistakes just add to my wonderful rage. I know it’s filled with ’em and I don’t give. a.  fuck.  SO, get into it.


Julie and I watched the VMAs at Jonny’s house. He made Barefoot Contessa lasagna and we drank wine.

We talked shit about celebrities and we mused about GaGa’s subtle (and beautiful) face work. The night ended as any other night and we all went our separate ways.

I thought everything was normal until hours went by and all I could think about was having sex. With a primate. Thanks to Bruno Mars.


His live performance at the VMAs made me want to have straight sex with a straight gorilla.



But the official video for the song makes me want to have gay sex with a gay gorilla.



I can’t decide which one I want more (or first) but this gorilla will be mine. And until it is- I will watch both of these youtube videos every day. 5 times a day.


Haters Gonna Hate


In vintage news, TMZ is reporting that Paris Hilton signed a huge DJ contract for 2014 as a follow up to her (apparently successful) stint in Ibiza.

I’m indifferent to house music, and I’m not a big fan of Ibiza (mainly because it’s pronounced IbiTHA and I don’t like lisps), but I LOVE PARIS HILTON. I always have and I always will. Much like another tragic favorite of mine – Nicole ‘Snooki” Polizzi- Paris Hilton does whatever she wants, whenever she wants, and bitch GETS PAID. Despite having no discernible talents, horrible taste (in everything), and no real “fans” to speak of- these two women manage to ignore the chorus of constant criticism and jokes made about them- and persevere! Anyone who has let one negative comment on Facebook ruin their entire day (or week) should respect the fact that these bitches get hated on by millions of people. Every minute of the day. And yet, they stay true to who they are. They remain tragic, tacky jokes who sell their hair extensions and fake eyelashes to little girls in South America. And they laugh all the way to the bank.

That’s what confidence means to me. And that’s why I consider them role models.

Here’s me joining the senior citizen DJ train (for the record, Paris and I started at the same time. I did NOT copy her. I copied Jonny. The similar outfit and the guy pulling focus in the picture are just sheer coincidence).





HI! Its me JULIE writing.

Sooooooo…Not to Lez it out too much but I need to vent my lesbionic rage here, and since we’re all family n shit….Where else would be better??!!   So, this new show ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK has been touted on all the Lez sites and everyone is going on and on and on and on about this damn show. I, of course wanted to rebel and not watch one second of it in some sort of –  I stand alone rebellion and don’t tell me what to do stubborn lezness – and more importantly – how could I not even get an audition for this !? ( hand to chest – mouth a gape)  I’m so insulted. but let’s put petty, jealousy aside 🙂

I gotta watch – I mean, everyone keeps saying theres all this hot lezaction and its women in PRISON for gods sake!  But I stayed away as long as I could and then broke down.  Brandy and I hunkered down to watch the entire series on netflix in one viewing with a bowl of salad, toll house cookies, and a vile of pills.  ( we thought we would review it for IN YOUR BOX OFFICE)  We took our negative energy, washed it down with a pain killer (s) and hunkered down, and you know what? I WAS FUCKING RIGHT! This show is a piece of fucking shit.  I AM so ANNOYED!  I’m still in such an annoyed state I couldnt articulate my thoughts clearly so I hijacked a review I found and want to thank you BRIGET for summing up all my feelings in this wonderfully crafted review which is 100 times better than the entire series and wish we could make the review into a new series.  ( I know I have bad grammar – deal with it) harumph.  stomp, stomp, stomp.  I am so disappointed and bummed out that the one thing with lesbians,  in it AGAIN is terrible. I could forgive every cliche, tired stereotype and shitty acting if any of it was FUNNY or DRAMATIC or STOOD FOR SOMETHING, except cliches, tired sterotypes and shitty acting.  stomp, stomp, stomp





“This show commodifies lesbianism in the worst, most misogynistic ways– by using it as an “edgy” selling point to tip the show from drama to soap opera. It’s full of hackneyed tropes: until I leave all girls school lesbian (Lorna), fat butch lesbian (Big Boo), desirable waifish femme lesbian (Mercy, Lorna), couture European lesbian (Alex), the Stud (Nicky, Big Boo), and of course, Piper the hasbian who I guess just can’t be a bisexual because she fell in monogamous love with a man. (Even though who she’s with has NOTHING to do with whether she’s bisexual, but there’s the myth of the “hasbian” for you). As with the characters of color, these demographic tropes play a huge role in presumed pre-developed characters that settle into the issued stereotypes like a foundation, rather than defying them. Piper’s “former gayness” authenticates queerness for the straight population in the same way her whiteness does w/regard to POC criminalization. Piper is less of an “other” in mainstream America’s eyes & the show admits it, but then plays on it. The show commodifies POCs and queers and, it commodifies them in the SAME way, with the voyeuristic titillating spectacle of “lesbian sex” and hype of “black and latino violence”. With less packaging, you could see the same thing on “bum fights” or “girls gone wild”, both filmed and perpetuated for the entertainment of privileged, ignorant, straight white men. The show doesn’t really even attempt a simple role reversal where racial minorities are represented as queer and the white inmates are represented as violent– it’d still be a token effort, but nope, not even that. I watched this series trying to reconcile it, trying to decide whether I liked it or not because hey, a queer, woman and POC dominated cast, but in the end I realize that it’s *about* us, not *for* us.” ~Bridget



We trashed the idea of reviewing this for IYBO because it seems we are in the minority with our hatred and didnt want to waste our minty breathe and precious time.


OH CHER!  You have done it again! I LOVE THIS VIDYA!  Now I know the world awaits the drag queen version of the song and video for WOMAN’S WORLD as we cannot possibly live with Cher or anything that has women dancing around Cher without the foremost drag queens of the planet BUT I gotta say, until the unveiling of dare I say a phrase that repulses and entertains me – ( The  “Fish Realness” version)  –  this song and video warmed my lezzie, woman loving, let’s talk about feminist theory, and save kittens heart. Thank you Cher and Thank you old dancing lady grandma, I love you.

xo Julie



WHOA DUDE! An Important Message from Julie Goldman


Im proud to be a part of this fundraising effort for Jonny McGovern’s new show called WHOA DUDE! Help us raise enough money so we can make the internet’s ONLY homoerotic-comedy-clip show. We are gonna fly in LINDA JAMES, so she can write, and co star, and there will be segments with your fave podcast stars: America’s Lez treasure JULIE GOLDMAN, international Lez lurker, BRANDY HOWARD, king of the GO-Go Boys GRGY and starring the Gay Pimp Daddy himself JONNY MCGOVERN. Help us. Help you. Be Gayer.

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