Butch Eyeliner Makeup Tutorial With Julie and Brandy

images-1

This video of GOAT contributors, Brandy Howard & Julie Goldman (via our sister friends at Autostraddle) is both informative and HILARIOUS.  Ms. Howard teaches our lesbros a thing or three about getting that perfect, ‘I’m a lady who likes lady parts’ smokey eye; while Queen Butch Goldman applies makeup in an adorably awkward manner. GIVE THEM GAG, JULIE!!!!

I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH A GORILLA. ASAP.

Julie and I watched the VMAs at Jonny’s house. He made Barefoot Contessa lasagna and we drank wine.

We talked shit about celebrities and we mused about GaGa’s subtle (and beautiful) face work. The night ended as any other night and we all went our separate ways.

I thought everything was normal until hours went by and all I could think about was having sex. With a primate. Thanks to Bruno Mars.

 

His live performance at the VMAs made me want to have straight sex with a straight gorilla.

 

 

But the official video for the song makes me want to have gay sex with a gay gorilla.

 

 

I can’t decide which one I want more (or first) but this gorilla will be mine. And until it is- I will watch both of these youtube videos every day. 5 times a day.

Sexoxoxo,
Brandy

Haters Gonna Hate

Paris-hilton-dj-set-6-242012-500x334

In vintage news, TMZ is reporting that Paris Hilton signed a huge DJ contract for 2014 as a follow up to her (apparently successful) stint in Ibiza.

I’m indifferent to house music, and I’m not a big fan of Ibiza (mainly because it’s pronounced IbiTHA and I don’t like lisps), but I LOVE PARIS HILTON. I always have and I always will. Much like another tragic favorite of mine – Nicole ‘Snooki” Polizzi- Paris Hilton does whatever she wants, whenever she wants, and bitch GETS PAID. Despite having no discernible talents, horrible taste (in everything), and no real “fans” to speak of- these two women manage to ignore the chorus of constant criticism and jokes made about them- and persevere! Anyone who has let one negative comment on Facebook ruin their entire day (or week) should respect the fact that these bitches get hated on by millions of people. Every minute of the day. And yet, they stay true to who they are. They remain tragic, tacky jokes who sell their hair extensions and fake eyelashes to little girls in South America. And they laugh all the way to the bank.

That’s what confidence means to me. And that’s why I consider them role models.

Here’s me joining the senior citizen DJ train (for the record, Paris and I started at the same time. I did NOT copy her. I copied Jonny. The similar outfit and the guy pulling focus in the picture are just sheer coincidence).

brandy

Sexoxoxo,

Brandy

Help Make “Whoa, Dude!: The Webseries” A Reality!

whoa, dude graphic

Haaaaaay Qween! It’s Jonny  here breaking into your regular Gayest Of All Time feed because i need your help to make my new internet clip show “Woah Dude”! It’s the Gay Pimp spin on The Soup but instead of clips of TV shows we feature the intentionally and unintentionally homoerotic video made by your favorite local frat boys, skaters, military jocks and naughty qweens that make you say “Woah Dude!”

The show is the brain child of myself and Gay Pimpin’ Podcast Legend and Gayest Of all Time Moderator Linda James and will be written by us along withthe  hilarious writing team of Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard, also contributors to this site,  who have written for E! network’s Fashion Police! But even a green screen show ain’t cheap! We need your help with the cost of the production of the 1st season and to fly Linda James to Los Angeles for the shoot!

We are really excited about this concept and think it has the potential to go far and create Jobs for yer fave broke bloggers from Gayest Of All Time! The show will also feature Jonny’s sexy gogoboys including Grg and some of Jonny’s fave drag queens including Linda James of course!

We wanna raise this money real quick and shoot it right away!

Help us make Season 1 of “Woah Dude” a reality. Check me out beggin’ fo’ cash (plus some Grgy sexiness) below and click here to support: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/jon…

Something Lezbo This Way Comes…

That unexplained vision of Tamantha Taintawoman playing Pretend Housewives of Orange County can only mean one thing….

The Lezbo and Lurker Comedy Team of Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard, aka UNCLE HOWARD GOLDMAN have officially joined GAYEST OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Julie, so happy to have you.  This place was in need of some serious testosterone.  “Give them GAG!”

*Brandy, please keep it sexy. Sexo, sexo. Blog at night, at parties, in the corner, acting superior and wearing sunglasses.

Here’s my favorite picture of them:

images-2

And here’s a GIF of Julie playing Natalie Green from Facts of Life for good measure:

tumblr_maq81n0JS91qafozko1_250

Me too, Natalie…. me too….